He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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