Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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