Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
