Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
