google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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