Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
