My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
