I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
