I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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