can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
