Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
