i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
