its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
