If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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