i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
