Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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