dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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