I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
