She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize