she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
