Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
