I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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