I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
