drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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