She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
