She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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