drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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