my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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