He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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