You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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