I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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