soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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