bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
