two words: eviction party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
