I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
