A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize