Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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