Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
