Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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