ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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