How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
