It's Friday. Sex?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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