I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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