david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
