The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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