So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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