he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
