Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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