I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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