So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
