You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
