just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
