Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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