Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
