he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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