you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
