Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
smell my finger.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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