wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
