i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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