Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
